I’m gonna get
a little real serious for a momentito. Is that okay? Okay, great.
You may have noticed (but you probably didn’t) that I deleted my posts regarding “101 in 1001.” If you’re not familiar, I started a challenge that many fellow bloggers have taken, in which you essentially aspire to do 101 things (could be anything from reading a book to paying off all your debt to skydiving) in 1001 days. It sort of stems from the idea of New Year’s resolutions, but with a more doable time frame, and a span of smaller and larger goals. I think lists like this and the 30 before 30 are wonderful motivational tools and a fun way to keep track of what one accomplishes in life.
That being said, I got rid of mine because 1. I wasn’t paying attention/updating 2. I’ve shaken things up a bit and some of them are just no longer applicable, and the main reason:
I am sort of reevaluating everything I want out of life.
Some things, of course, will not change: my love for Skittles, my faith in Christ, my nose (no rhinoplasty for this girl), my bond with my amazing family, and I hope my sense of humor.
But I have been and will continue doing some careful thinking and praying regarding the company I keep, the things I make priority, what I let define me, and how I spend my time. As I am reconsidering a lot of the ways that I live and how I operate, I don’t know how it’s all going to shake out yet, but today, I have to declare and claim it because some other day this week I might not be able to: there is hope.
I have spent far too long battling things like anxiety and depression, striving when all I feel like doing is staying in bed, and I honestly just can’t do it anymore. I won’t do it anymore. I know some of it is chemical, and I can’t change that, but there are other things that I can change, and must do something about because I am worth it. Not because I am awesome or more particularly worthy than anyone else, but because we were all created for greatness, not debilitating issues which lead to mediocrity.
I understand, both cognitively and experientially, that sometimes people are just dealt bad cards. Terrible cards. I’m not saying that all they or I need to do is think positively and work hard and everything will work out okay. I’m saying that for me, personally, I have to and am going to make some changes because I want my life to be different and better than it is.
Yes, there will still be days when I am immobilized by fear. Yes, there will still be days when all I eat are Skittles because I am too anxious or don’t care enough. But no I will not let those days become weeks, and those weeks become my whole life. Not anymore.
image via Claremont Road, not sure of the original source